On the glorious holiday of Festivus, some League of Legends champions have gathered for the annual airing of grievances.
While League of Legends players may love Christmas, with their stockings stuffed full of RP to buy the best skins for the holiday season, there is a time-honored tradition for the champions. This year, they have gathered around their (virtual) table for the Festivus celebrations.
The feats of strength will be coming shortly and the metal pole has already been decorated, but now it’s time for the airing of grievances. We’ll let the most cantankerous champion himself, Kled, kick off the proceedings.
Kled: All right you damn trespassers, you have been perturbing my tranquility for ALL of 2020 and now it’s Kled’s turn to let you all know what’s what!
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Kled: Yeah that’s true Skaarl, they do have some stinky breath. BUT YOU WAIT YOUR TURN! Now, I got lots of problems with you Yordles and you’re gonna hear it! First up, this little mushroom-stealing rat! You know how aggravating it is to be poisoned and blinded, only for you to scurry off into a brush and vanish!
Tryndamere: Yeah you keep laughing it you little maggot.
Garen: Oh that’s rich coming from you. You know how it feels to drop a giant sword from the sky and have it mean nothing because you just decided not to die?
Tryndamere: About the same as watching you heal all the damage I did you just by standing underneath your tower. Speaking of healing.
Dr. Mundo: Mundo no like Executioner’s Calling and Bramble Vest.
Soraka: Yeah I gotta agree with the big guy on that one.
Soraka: Oh, darn! And Morellonomicon too!
Brand: Too late. Time to watch you burn. Just like I want to burn all those AD Carries.
Sivir: Hey, what did we do? We have the most to complain of any of you!
Caitlyn: Yes, we’re the ones who were left completely in cold with all these new items. I can’t even 1v1 a tank on the sidelanes until about four items.
Garen: Well, you’re really not supposed to–
Kayn: No, no, no. Just let them think that. It’s more funny this way.
Sivir: Seriously, though, every other class got these amazing Mythic items and we got stuck with Immortal Shieldbow and Kraken Slayer.
Soraka: And Galeforce.
Soraka: Galeforce, you know the one that makes you dash around?
Caitlyn: Oh, that’s right! I completely forgot about that one.
Draven: If it’s not an Infinity Edge or the Collector I don’t care.
Soraka: Well you might want to check it out. Since it’s, you know, considered the best Mythic item for your class.
Sivir: Wait, what?
Tryndamere: Can we move on? We all know that the marksmen are whining for no reason and if we have to listen to them go on with their grievances Festivus will be over before we even get to the junglers.
Kayn: Wait, what did I do?
Draven: Oh, you know, the usual. “Riot…
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